Chapter 6
Exactly one week later, Momiji was standing out on her balcony again, watching the sun slip behind the buildings of downtown Tokyo in a blaze of molten red. Leaning against the railing with her chin on her hands, she contemplated the events of the last two weeks. So much had happened, her mind was still whirling with the breakneck speed of it all. First Kusanagi waltzes into her life, and Todd waltzes out. Then, Kusanagi kicks her out of his life. How dare he!? she fumed. She still was angry at him for what he had said. Why was he acting so strangely? She knew that he had to have been hurt by her dumping him, but she didn't think he was capable of harboring such a grudge. Matsudaira and Kunikida had tried to get her to come back and talk to him, but her stubborn nature refused and Kusanagi was gone again within the next few days. At least he was doing better, or so Matsudaira had said. He was out of the woods, and well on his way to recovery.
Sighing and dropping her forehead into her hands, Momiji cursed herself for ever letting him go in the first place. She thought it was the right thing to do! She thought she would be hurting him less. But it seemed she had only made things worse, at least for herself. She could finally admit to herself that she was miserable without Kusanagi. Finally she could see what Todd had seen all along, and the thought of that piled more guilt onto her. First Kusanagi, then Todd. How did she ever manage to break so many hearts? That is, of course, if Kusanagi had ever even felt something for her. She had thought he didn't, she had thought he just stayed with her out of obedience. But the way he had been acting, the pain she saw in his eyes…those eyes woke her up at night. She felt like beating her head against a brick wall a few dozen times. Maybe that would knock some sense into her so that the next time she wouldn't be so stupid when it came to love. If anything though, she knew that she had to have him back in her life. Even if they could only be friends, she had to be near him; she couldn't stand this seperation any longer. "Please Kusanagi…" she searched the skies for any sign of him, giving up for good this time and feeling her eyes slowly fill with tears. "Don't make me wait another five years…even if we can only be friends." she choked out sadly, and the wind picked her words up and whirled them away.
~*~*~
Momiji's apartment had a convenient water tower on the building next door that made a perfect hide out. Kusanagi couldn't count how many times he had hidden there this past week behind these steel beams on this rooftop and watched Momiji live her life without him. He had spent the last week watching her flit around her apartment like a ghost not going to classes or work in days, and he didn't know if she had eaten much either. Damn it, Momiji! he thought fiercely. Why did she have to make it so hard? Why did she have to make him doubt, make him begin to believe that he was wrong about himself? Even now, his very hands itched with the need to hold her in his arms, just one more time. How many times had he wished over the years that she would get into trouble just once more, just so he could find her and sweep in and play her white knight. He would give anything to see her emerald eyes shining up in love and gratitude as he swept them out of danger at the last second. Clenching his fists in pain Kusanagi ripped off the gloves he wore so he could see the mitamas buried on his hands, reminding himself of the reason why he was here and she was there.
As he watched her on her balcony, he realized just how beautiful she had become…his little Momiji had grown up. Sure, she had certain, er, physical attributes that she didn't use to, but that wasn't all. The past week of observation has shown him just how mature she was. She had become so independent and intelligent, it took his breath away sometimes. Five years ago he had left madly in love with a 16 year old cherub, and had returned to find himself still madly in love with a beautiful, smart, sophisticated woman. Well, usually sophisticated, he smiled to himself as he saw her trip out the doorway to her balcony. She still had hints of the old klutzy Momiji, and those were the ones he loved the most. As she leaned on the balcony with her chin in her hands, red-brown hair blowing around her face in the breeze, his chest tightened almost painfully. He was glad she had quit tying her hair back with a bow, it made the copper strands dance playfully in the slightest breeze and…God, you are such a moony-eyed fool he berated himself. Deciding he had tortured himself enough for one night he pushed himself away from the pillar he leaned on and tensed to fly up and away when something caught his attention. On the light breeze Momiji's broken voice drifted towards him. "Please Kusanagi…don't make me wait another five years…even if we can only be friends."
With a frustrated growl, he settled back down and closed his eyes against the sound. Inside he was fighting a monumental battle, her words and her sad, lost little voice tearing chunks from the wall around his heart. Part of him tried to stick by his guns, remind himself of the monster he was and run away again. But another part, one that had seemed to grow even more persistent the last week, insisted that he race up there and make everything right again; make her stop hurting and wipe that note of heartbreak from her voice. Allright Momiji, he decided. Compromise it is. If I can't be your lover, I can at least be your friend again. Sighing in defeat but secretly overjoyed, Kusanagi flew up towards her balcony to begin the process of 'being friends'.
~*~*~
Taking a deep breath, Momiji savored the last few scraps of pink as the sun ended its dip below the horizon. Twilight settled over Tokyo and Momiji watched for the first stars to come out. Not that she could ever see any, Tokyo was just too bright, but it never stopped her from trying. Heaving a sigh, Momiji turned away from the railing and headed for the door. I guess he's really gone this time, she thought regretfully. I blew it by getting so mad…She was so lost in thought that she missed seeing the decorative planter set by the side of the railing and tripped over it, sending her reeling forward. She had barked her shin so hard it took her a few moments to realize that her abrupt downward fall had been checked by two bronzed, strong hands on her upper arms and her cheek was suddenly smashed against something distinctly black and hard. With a heart that was suddenly somewhere in the general vicinity of her throat, Momiji looked downwards to see a pair of brown loafers followed by a pair of black slacks. Those in turn were topped by the black dress shirt and red trenchcoat with sleeves rolled up that she was currently leaning against. Gulping, she raised her eyes to meet a pair of slit pupils just as an amused voice rumbled out of that well-remembered pair of lips. "You really ought to be more careful, klutz."
"Kusanagi!!" Momiji cried as he stepped back and she straightened herself out and brushed herself off. "You're all right!"
Kusanagi felt vaguely guilty as he saw the relief shining in her eyes, and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well, yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry to have worried you-"
"Worried me?!?!" Momiji practically yelled. "I haven't seen you in five years, and the out of the blue I run across you getting the crap beat out of you in an alleyway. Then you just run off! What was I supposed to think? How did I know where you went? How did I know you weren't dying somewhere cold and alone in a stinking sewerhole somewhere?!?! Then, when I DO find you again, you behave like an ass and then push me away!! No, I see absolutely nothing to be worried about with this scenario, do you?!?!" She was practically steaming by now. "So, are you going to run away again?"
"Am I running away?? Need I remind you of the certain scene we played out five years ago? I don't recall being the one leaving there!" he replied hotly. "Are you blaming this on ME???" Momiji screeched, her face practically turning scarlet as her temper lashed out. "I am not the one who was being so distant, or seemed hellbent on convincing me that he wanted out of that relationship! Nor was I the one who avoided the other for FIVE years! FIVE YEARS! That's a hell of a long time Kusanagi! I tried to get in contact with you, but I never could. And did I hear one word from you!?!? One single phone call, one single letter?? No, I got nothing. So don't you tell me about being sorry to have worried me. I think you shoulder PLENTY of the blame here, Mister!!" Huffing, she crossed her arms and stared at him defiantly, daring him with her brilliant green eyes to contradict her.
Kusanagi looked her over, beautiful in her anger, and fought to reign in his temper (along with other forms of passion) by running a hand through his thick green hair. "Momiji, I don't want to fight about this. What happened happened, we can't change the past and beating our heads against it repetitively isn't going to help."
"Oh, forget it! I'm just glad you're ok!" Momiji cried, anger melting away as she launched herself at him, hugging him fiercely. Kusangi stared down at her a moment in surprise before wrapping his arms around her back. God, she felt so perfect in his arms…No! he thought. Friends only! He carefully detachted himself from Momiji and turned towards the railing of the balcony, leaning on it and looking out. "Look Momiji, I think we need to talk…"
"No, wait. First, I have to tell you something…even if it messes up any chance of our friendship working right, I have to get this off my chest." Momiji turned around and screwed up her courage, knowing that she had to do this now or she would chicken out later. "Kusanagi, I-I didn't mean what I said. Five years ago, I made the biggest mistake of my life when I told you to leave me alone. Nothing's been the same since you went away. I missed you every day, and it took me a long, long time to recognize what everyone else had always known." Swallowing, Momiji spun around to face Kusanagi. "I still love you, Kusanagi. I never stopped loving you, and it gets worse every day. I know that I hurt you, and I can't ask you to just forget that and come rushing back to me. But I wanted you to know, to let you make your own decision." Momiji held her breath as she waited to hear something from Kusanagi.
Kusanagi closed his eyes as the words he had dreamed of hearing for years poured out of Momiji's lips. He wanted to run around like a madman, screaming his joy to the world. She still loved him!! He could feel a few more sections of the wall he had built crumble, and drawing up his last reserves of strength he fought to rebuild them. He could almost cry at the irony of it all. But he knew he couldn't have it. He knew it wasn't fair.Telling himself that it was all for the best, Kusanagi did the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. He lied to Momiji. Drawing a deep breath, he turned his back to her so he wouldn't have to watch her face and forced the words past his trembling lips, clenching his shaking hands around the railing. "I think …I think that we should just be friends, Momiji. I-I don't love you, not like you love me." There, I've said it. he thought. And waited resignedly for the rest of his world to shatter around him.